Our first Valentine's day together, I made a doll for Billy that looked a lot like me, and had a small, handmade book tucked away inside a plush heart it was holding. It's basically the most personal thing I think I've ever made, and despite constant nagging from everyone who's seen it, I kind of refuse to make any more. I feel like it's special because it's the only one that exists and because I put so much heart and hard work into it. Lately, though, I've been trying to come up with some extra cash for a badly needed new laptop... As well as a vacation to Disneyworld and more than just a few goodies from http://www.damseldress.com . Of course, it kept getting suggested over and over again that I make dolls for people and sell them on etsy, and while I'm mostly unwilling to do it, I've sort of started to consider it a possibility. As well as making custom mailboxes, for whatever reason. Anyway, just as I was starting to think about sewing dolls, I came across these awesome ones that the previously mentioned Damsel in this Dress magic-maker, Michelle, created. They're fantastic pirate dolls! I was waiting for one to pop up that looked like Billy, but... It never did. So I made one myself! It's kind of crude, and quite a bit creepy, but I effin' love it!
On a completely different note... Lately, at work, my boss has been talking to me about beauty. Now, I am a VERY large woman, but I am completely comfortable in my body. However, she is an itty-bitty, super-skinny woman and is terribly ashamed of hers. She thinks she's fat, and she thinks she's ugly, and she thinks that if she loses that last five pounds that she seriously does not have left to lose, then she'll finally stop being known as 'the chunky' one in her family and stop feeling so ugly. I think that's kind of horrible, because she's got the kind of body that people practically kill themselves to achieve and she still feels like she isn't pretty. Meanwhile, I'm sitting to her left at least five times her weight, hair completely frizzy, and clothes completely riddled with holes and I KNOW that I'm effin' gorgeous. So what's wrong with this picture? Pretty much everything.
It is completely horrible that someone who is so obviously beautiful will never, ever feel that way because her family, her industry, and every single thing she's ever seen has told her that she's not. Why? It doesn't make any sense. And I know it's not just her who feels this way. It breaks my heart that there are so many beautiful people out there who are afraid to let themselves believe that they are beautiful. Are they waiting for someone to tell them otherwise? Prove them wrong? Who has that kind of power?!?! Are they waiting for some divine sign or a billboard with their face and a thumbs up on it or Tyra friggin' Banks to knock on their door and say she's jealous of them? It's ridiculous! I wish, I WISH that more people had the strength to look at themselves, I mean REALLY look at themselves, and see the truth. We are ALL beautiful. I mean it. If you're just willing to admit it to yourself for one second then you'll feel so much better. It's an awful thing to walk around all day, hating yourself; an awful, and exhausting thing. I think it's high time that a whole bunch more people free themselves.
Anyway, here's another picture of me and my Billy doll. I love this man with more than my whole heart, and he tells me every single day that I'm beautiful. So is he.
Love yourself. You ARE beautiful.